Drunk Dialing
by astronomysnap
Summary: When Finn accidentally gives Rachel some spiked eggnog, She learns that if you're going to drink, maybe you should hide your cell phone, or else you'll end up calling Noah Puckerman and asking him to have sex with you.  UPDATED. PUCK CALLS RACHEL.
1. Rachel calls Puck

**Well. Ive decided to write a Puckleberry oneshot every day for a month. Any story requests? Send them to me3 I'll write them.  
**  
DISCLAIMER:  
**I don't own glee. Trust me, If I did there would be a LOT more Puckleberry and Brittana ;D**

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Noah Puckerman had been asleep for thirteen hours. He had been working really hard for the past week on getting ready for state championships (Yeah, WMHS got to the state game, holy fucking shit, right?) and he had gotten zero sleep. So when givin the oppertunity to lay down, he was out. During those thirteen hours, he had recieved nine voice mails from Rachel Berry. Seeing those message alerts freaked Puck the fuck out, Rachel never called him that much unless something was seriously fucking wrong. Instantly, Puck dialed Rachel's number, no answer. "Fuck. Berry, answer the damn phone." He tried again. No answer. Finally, Puck just decided to listen to the messages, maybe she'd say something in them to make sense of all of this.

Puck hit the voicemail button and put in his passcode (2384 if you were wondering. It was 'Beth' in numbers.)

"First Message. Sent yesterday at 8:30 PM.

Hey Noah! It's Rachel. I was just calling to see if you wanted to come over and watch a movie with me. I understand that you and I are both Jewish and do not celebrate Christmas to the extent that other people in the Club do, but it isn't any reason not to be able to cuddle up together and watch Miracle on 34th Street. Finn Brought over some Eggnog. I'll wait to open it until you get here. Hope to see you soon!"

Fuck. The Eggnog. Puck had givin Finn two jugs of Eggnog as a joke that were spiked with tequila. Not only were they spiked, but they were so spiked that a few sips could send a light weight like Rachel Berry over the edge into drunkland. "Shit Berry. Please tell me you didn't drink that." Puck sighed and hit the next button, waiting for the new message.

_**"New Message. Sent yesterday at 9:23 PM**_

_**NOAHHH! It's Rachel again! Why arnt you here? I really want you to be here. Did I ever tell you, I love your mohawk. It's a secret. Shhh. This eggnog is great. Where are you. Come over. Watch this movie with me! Where are you? Ugh!"**_

Well. This meant that Rachel Berry had definitly consumed some of the eggnog. Maybe, Puck Thought, she was smart enough to stop drinking it. She was Rachel Berry after all, and she was fucking smart as hell. "Guess it's time for the next message..."

**_"New Message. Sent yesterday at 10:02 PM_**

**_Well, I've figured out something I-M-P-O-R-T-A-N-T! This. Eggnog. Is. Spiked. You think Finn did it? Oh God, Noah! I bet he spiked it so he could make out with me. I wonder why he wants to make out with me. Do you want to make out with me? Come over. We can make out. I'll make all your wildest dreams come true. MWAHHHH! ...That was me giving you a phone kiss. OH! I was kissing you through the phone!"_**

Oh fucking hell. Rachel Berry was not only drunk, but she was a fucking Frisky drunk. Puck was mentally kicking himself in the head for not being awake. He could be waking up right now next to Rachel, but instead he's waking up in his room, listening to his little sister play some god awful music... Justin Something. Whoever it was, it sucked.

Okay. Time for the next message.

_**"New Message. Sent lastnight at 10:45 PM**_

_**. We should have babies. Your mom would accept them because they'd be jewish. They'd be hot too. Do you think our babies would be hot? They'd be hot. Id even let you name on. Maybe. But you have to choose from a selected list of names from Broadway shows.**_

_**Oh and Puck? I think you have really nice abs. They turn me on. Shhhhhh dont tell."**_

Puck started laughing. He was laughing so hard that he almost fell off the bed. Rachel Berry was the most adorable fucking human in the world. He really wished that he had just been awake to pick up the phone and be with her, instead of sleeping.

Next.

_**"New Message. Sent lastnight at 11:13 PM**_

_**Have I ever told you that I don't like the name Puck? Noah is sexier. I'd much rather scream out Noah then Puck in the middle of the night. Hahahaha. That was a sex reference. If you were here.. We could have...S-E-X. Come over. Me Love U Long Time."**_

This was getting out of control. She had to be out of Eggnog by this point. Or not. Rachel was pretty light weight. Last time they had been drunk together it only took a mikes hard lemonade to get her totally wasted, and she was really. Really handsy that night.

Next.

**_"New Message. Sent today at 12:12 AM._**

**_I Love this eggnog. My head hurts. The room is spinning Noah. Why is the room spinning? Am I at the fair? And If your answer is no, can we please relocate this conversation to the fair? You know those zero gravity machines there? I want to sex you up in there. It would be fun because we'd be in zero gravity. Like moonmen. Or spacemen. Whatever its called. I need a brain booster. My noggin hurts."_**

...That actually sounded pretty fucking sexy. Puck was imagining it, but had to stop himself, before he had to go to Rachel's house right then and there and take her to the fair... If you catch his drift.

**_"New Message. Sent Today at 1:00 AM._**

**_POPPIN' BOTTLES IN ICE, LIKE A LIZARD. WHEN I DRINK I GET HER RIGHT IN THE SLIZARD. SIPPIN SYRUP IN MY RIDE, LIKE THREE SIX. NOW I'M FEELIN SO FLY LIKE KNEEPICKS._**

**_Wait... whats a kneepick. Noah? Seriously. Whats a kneepick. I need to know. WHATS A KNEE-"_**

What. Was. That. Puck didn't even understand, He just laughed. It was seriously the most fucking crazy thing he had ever heard in his life. He just wanted to pick her up and hug her now, and tell her how fucking amazing she was. Three messages left. This had to be good.

**_"New Message. Sent today at 1:34 PM_**

**_Turns out there isnt anything called a kneepick. I asked Finn. Finn knows all about stupid stuff like that. I think he's magic. Like Harry Potter. Hey! Did you ever notice.. Blaine looks a LOT like the guy in that Harry Potter musical? Because he does._**

**_What if blaine is famous? What if he's like Hannah Montana and wants the best of both worlds? ...I want the best of both worlds. Give me the best of both worlds, Puck._**

**_YOU GET THE LIMO OUT FRONT... WOAH OH OH..._**

**_i dont know the rest... Sing it to me, Noah. Pleaseeeee. I need you to-"_**

It cut her off. She was talking so much and tripping over all of her words, but it was funny because he understood everything she was talking about... Except the Finn thing. That, he didn't understand. Puck was having so much fun with these messages that he didn't want them to end. Ever.

**_"New Message. Sent today at 2:01 AM_**

**_...UH. What are you wearing? I'm in something seeeeeeexy. You'd love it._**

**_I'm winking right now. It's directed for you. Wink. I'm in lengerie. Wink."_**

Holyshit. Rachel Berry totally wanted a piece of the Puckmiester. Last Message. He hoped it would be great.

**_"New Message. Sent today at 7:00 AM_**

**_Hello Noah, This is Rachel's Daddy. It seams that she got into some...alcoholic eggnog lastnight... and you were her most dialed... Actually, besides a two minute conversation with around one, you were her only dialed... Anyways, We were wondering... She's very... Very hungover and keeps crying for you to come take care of her. She says that you will know the best hangover fixers, which we will ignore that comment, we're just asking. Please come over for her. She said she just wants you to hold her and make her headache go away. Thank you. Have a nice day."_**

She wanted him to come hold her. Rachel Berry didn't want Finn, Jesse, or even Kurt. She wanted Noah Puckerman, a fuck up from the wrong side of town with a baby. That had to mean something fucking special. Puck quickly put on his clothes and grabbed a bottle of asprin, his favorite blanket (For her to cover up in... She likes the way he smells... shutup.) and Miricle on 34th Street.

It took him fifteen minutes from the time he listened to the message to the time he showed up at Rachels house. It took him five to kick his shoes off and cover up with her on the bed, cuddled up, and it took him less than two to kiss her on the forhead and tell her that he loved her. For the rest of the day (and that night) they layed in the bed together and watched christmas movies, only getting up to get some hot coco, or go to the bathroom. Noah Puckerman knew that right there was where he belonged, and he wouldn't trade that spot for the world.


	2. Puck calls Rachel

Okay so, because I got so many good reviews on "Drunk Dialing" I decided to make a Puck version. I'll probably leave it at that, because It wasn't really meant to be a multi-chapter.

But, If enough people want to know what happens next, I might write more to it.

I hope you enjoy it! I've never written Drunk Puck before, Nor do I write much Finn Hudson, but I felt like a Finn part to this story was needed.

I may write a Drunk!Finn call to Quinn, and Vise versa. That could be interesting.

DISCLAIMER: I dont own Glee :[

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It had been a long day for Rachel Berry. She had learned seven new songs, worked out for two hours, went shopping for music books and also stalked Vocal Adrenaline to see what they  
were cooking up for Regional's (What? She NEEDED to know. They had Sunshine. This was pertinent). So when she got home at Nine she ignored the fact that Puck had called her and went straight to bed, where she drempt of the spot light on her face, crowds of people screaming her name before she started singing "Defying Gravity"  
in Times Square for Dick Clarks Rockin New Years. (It was a dream of hers. She really just wanted to meet Dick before the man passed. He was an icon. Besides, she could totally give a shout out to Barbra Streisand whilst on stage. It was a win win for her).

When she awoke the next morning at 9 (She was having an off day. Normally it was much, much earlier but she really just didn't want to get out of bed) she noticed eleven voice mails on her phone. Ten from Puck, and one from Finn. She was too tired to think much of it, so she typed in her passcode and started to listen to the voice mails.

"**New message, sent yesterday at 9:20 PM.**

Hey Berry. I was just thinking, we should chill. I haven't seen you in a hell of a long time… okay a day.. but still. Bring your fine ass over here. Okay. Bye."

Rachel laughed slightly. Noah Puckerman sure was one with words… Oh wait, no he wasn't. She didn't understand how he thought he could win her over by saying things like that. It was kinda rude.

But also kinda hot. Okay. Maybe Rachel did find it really sexy. And maybe she did want to rip his shirt off…. Or sing with him… or Rip his shirt off while singing with him.

She shook the thought out of her head and hit "next" on her phone.

"**New message, sent yesterday at 10:01 PM**

**BERRY. Where the fuck are you? Seriously? Damn I wanted to see you. Fucking. Damn. I'm just going to drink now if you aren't coming over. Okay I might have started drinking before I called you the first time. Fuck Berry, Where are you? Damn."**

Rachel raised her eyebrows. He seriously said the word "fuck" so many times it made her head spin. She didn't necessarily enjoy hearing that word, but the way Noah said it made her heart beat faster. She loved the way words rolled off of his tongue. It.. Well it kinda turned her on.

But Rachel Berry was not one to admit that she was turned on, because that was so adolescent and un lady like to mention something like that. Not to mention, it was so embarrassing to let people know that she felt like that. Although she had once admitted to the celibacy club that girls wanted sex just as much as guys… It was still had for her to admit that she, Rachel Barbara Berry, wanted to have sex with a one Noah "Puck" Puckerman.

"God Rachel, What are you doing? Just hit the next button and stop thinking about…..intercourse." She said outloud and proceeded to start the next message.

**"New Message. Sent yesterday at 10:57 PM**

Rachel Barbara Berry. Hah, I remembered your whole name. Do you remember that time you said I don't pay attention to the things you say? I totally fucking do. But fuck, you say so fucking much. You make my brain fucking hurt, Berry. Seriously. You make my brain…. I don't get you sometimes. But I wanna fuck you. I don't get it. Damn. Fucking damn."

Rachel stared at the phone. What. The. Heck. Noah Puckerman just said that he wanted to have intercourse with her. Okay wow. That seriously… She didn't know what to think. She didn't know what to say. She was sort of upset and happy at the same time.

Upset because she wasn't awake to hear this all first hand.  
But Happy because she wasn't awake to hear this all first hand.

If she had heard it when he had said it, there was a good chance that she would no longer be a virgin, and she was certain that after they had sex, he would drop her like yesterday's newspaper and never look back. Because, come on, isn't that how Puck was?

He was the guy who slept with everyone. He would never want to be tied down in a relationship with her, even if he had come over that one time to nurse her hangover….. (The one she got when stupid Finn gave her stupid spiked eggnog.)

She didn't know what to think again, her mind was just racing. All she could do was listen to the next message.

**"New Message, Sent yesterday at 11:13 PM**

**Finn's a fucking idiot."**

That was the whole message. He said it like he was mad at someone. Or just sort of frustrated. What did that even mean? Finn WAS an idiot. He thought his heart was on the right side of his chest, and sometimes he couldn't spell really simple words… Oh and there was that one time he couldn't figure out why 2x2 and 2+2 came out the same, even though it was multiplying and adding, which were two totally different things…

He was an idiot because he could never actually see how much he meant to Rachel. He was an idiot for having sex with Santana and not waiting, when Rachel wanted them to loose it together so desperately. He was just an idiot.

But why was Puck calling him an idiot? Maybe the next message would tell her.

**"New Message, Sent yesterday at 11:23 PM**

Hey Rach, it's Finn. Um, I don't know why, but Puck just called me to cuss me. He said that I was fucking stupid for giving you up, because you're an amazing person.

Does this mean you and Puck are together or something? I really don't understand… This is all really confusing me…

He just keeps texting me calling me an ass. And other really rude things… But he isn't spelling them right.. I think. So I guess he's drunk. Or maybe he is spelling them right.. and Im spelling them wrong in my head.

I don't know. Im so confused."

Finn Hudson was a fucking idiot.

Rachel didn't even know what to think right then. She knew that Puck apparently had called Finn, which meant that maybe he actually cared about her and the way she felt.

Why was her stomach doing that butterfly thing? Why was she planning their wedding in the back of her head. Why did she have the urge to run to his house and give him a thousand kisses…. Then rip his shirt off….

She didn't understand highschool..

"**New message, sent yesterday at 11:45 PM.**

God Damnit Rachel. Why the fuck do you get in my fucking head? You drive me fucking crazy. I just want to… I just want to….

**Drink more. That's what I want to do. I want more alcohol."**

Rachel couldn't even think clearly before she started the next message.  
There was nothing to think about

**"New Message, sent today at 12:12 AM.**

Do you ever think that we would be a fucking hot couple? I mean not a couple. But a fuck relationship. Not a relationship. Fuck. My brain hurts.

I wish you would fucking come to my house. I feel like I should talk to you in person."

So he wanted to be sex buddies? Is that what it was? He didn't want to put up with her full time, he just wanted to sleep with her and be on with his life. Wow. Classy, Noah, Classy.

But he did say couple to begin with….. They would make a hot couple… Being two Jews, it would be totally accepted. And their children would be really talented…

Also, they'd be very attractive.

God why did she want him so bad? He clearly only wanted her for sex. Ugh, Noah Puckerman was a pig.

"**New Message, sent today at 12:20 AM**

I didn't mean fuck buddies. Well, I do think we should fuck. It would be hot as hell. But I didn't mean that that was all we needed to be. I think. The room is spinning so much.

Thinking about you makes the room spin. It doesn't usually spin this much when I'm drinking. What is this shit? Rachel. I think you're pretty. Really fucking hot. Beautiful. But Don't tell anyone. Shit. If people knew I said you were beautiful….

They wouldn't call me a bad ass anymore."

Noah Puckerman thought she was beautiful. He thought she was beautiful. The word "beautiful" just came out of his mouth while describing her.

What even.

She couldn't think clearly now. Everything in her brain was just a jumbled mess of the word Beautiful being played over and over as if it were a broken record.

Why couldn't he say these things when he was sober? It would make things so much easier for the two of them.

"**New Message, sent today at 12:59 AM**

I think we should sing a fucking duet together. Then we should duet.

hahahahaha. See what I did there?  
I said duet, but I totally fucking meant do it.

**As in, fuck. We should fuck. Or make love. Or whatever it is you chicks call it.  
I wanna make you scream my name, Rachel Berry."**

First off, Singing a duet with Noah would be fantastic. Rachel may or may not had already written up a list of songs that she felt would fit their vocal ranges perfectly.

Second off, it was really cute the way he used a pun. (One might say it was punny. Get it? Punny instead of Funny… because it was a pun. Oh Rachel. Why are you so punny?)

Third off, Holy Streisand. He wanted to make her scream his name.  
How intriguing. She wouldn't mind making him scream hers…

**"New Message, sent today at 1:11 AM.**

**Is it weird that I think I have a crush on you, Rachel Berry?  
I don't get crushes.**

**But fuck, I think I have a crush on you.**

Fuck. I need someone to take my phone away before I say anything else. I'm making a fucking bitch of myself right now.

How do you delete messages? If you were here, id ask you.

But you aren't here. Damn you for not being here. Why aren't you here?

Fucking. Ugh."

All Rachel could hear after that was a random mess of beeps, from him trying to figure out how to erase the message. Then she heard some more profanity, then a click.

She wondered if he knew that the message had sent. Probably not..

He had a crush on her, he thought she was beautiful, and he wanted to make her scream his name….

Last Message. Hopefully this would be good.

**"New message, sent today at 1:40 AM.**

**We should go on a date. I'll even buy you a flower.**

Goodnight Berry."

That was all Rachel needed to hear to get herself up out of bed. She put on her clothes, brushed her hair and teeth, put on a little bit of makeup, and then walked to Noah's house

(Which was only a few blocks away, and Rachel needed the walking time to think about the things that he said.)

When she got there, his mother let her walk right into the house (She also hugged her for a very long time, and wanted to talk to her about the name of the future Puckleberry children, but Rachel just smiled and told her it was important to see Puck right away. So put the baby book away and let Rachel leave.)

When Rachel walked into Noah's room, he didn't have a chance to say a word to him before she kissed him.

All the emotions that they were both feeling for eachother were now up in the air. They cared about eachother, clearly. They wanted to be together, but it was going to take work. Noah Puckerman wasn't a relationship kind of guy and Rachel Berry could be a little overbearing.

"So about that date…." She said with a smile and kissed him again.

This was the start of something very fantastic, she could feel it.


End file.
